Shiroko no Basketbrawl
by PRINCESS-JOFFREY
Summary: Critics call it "a must read". "Gripping from start to finish". "A basketball adventure that resonates with the soul and speaks to the human condition." "If you don't read this I will eat all of your food."
1. Basketbrawl GO! A Mysterious Student!

**(**okay, before u start insulting my work i'll have you know i am a profesonal writer and have been doing this for many years, probes more than yew have even been alive! so think about that before you insult my works as kuroko fanfic extrodanaire. i see you judging me. don't think i won't come over there.)

it was the end of the winter cup. seirin had fought long and hard, like they always do. in fact, they do it so much that their considering making it their official slogan - "long and hard". Kagami suggested they should put it on matching jerseys and Izuki agreed but Hyuga was an ass lord and said no. that random cat guy that never does anything mewled in disagreement, and then his team mates threw meow mix into the distance to get him to go away.

"works every time" said Teppei. he threw extra cat treats because of his freakishly massive hands. he calls it the right of post-nyanment.

all the team mates stood in the school yard. it was their first day back after the winter cup, the results of which had been very intense and shocking and something all the manga readers would know and i totally read it so I totally know what happened. so anyway, after that riveting final match between seirin and that amazing team that wore those cool jerseys, the seirin boys arrived on the school grounds for a new year.

"alright, fellas" said Hyuga robustly. "We need to work even longer and harder if we're going to win the next cup …"

"what? no one told us it would be this soon." said Izuki. "you mean to tell me … you're springing news about the spring cup on us?" his eye twinkled mysteriously.

"no fools" said Hyuga, pushing his glasses up into the sky because he was so appalled. "the spring cup is for the little league. what we're entering is … the ultimate level 100 basketbrawl tournament of Xtreem terror."

the sunlight glimmered down upon ye youthful faces. "nani?!" said Kagami. "you must be crazy. desu."

"respect your elders sonny!" Hyuga shouted, his false teeth flying from his face from the weight of his scream. he hastily picked it back up and everyone pretended not to notice.

"he's for real …" said Kagami. "I've got to tell Kuroko about this. I wonder where he is."

"I'm right here" said Kuroko, peeking out from inside Kagami's jacket.

"oh" said Kagami.

"but don't we need the coach's permission for this? i love how you conveniently left her out," said that one guy.

"didn't you see? she's right here." said Hyuga Junpei. He then put on a brown wig.

"that's just you in a wig" said Kagami.

Hyuga Junpei removed his pants to reveal a skirt.

"COACH!" the team exclaimed. "When did you get here?!"

"I am here to explain the ultimate level 100 basketbrawl tournament of Xtreem terror, so listen up! we have risked many things in our basketball adventures. we have risked losing. we have risked our pride. in kiyoshi's case, we have risked our very health to participate in this magical sport."

"ya" said Teppei. "actually I have an announcement about that-"

"EXCUSE YOU, who has the whistle?! is it you?!"

"um" said Teppei, straightening his pink feather boa.

"NO. IT NOT YOU IT ME."

"yes coach" said the team, an aura of blue anime lines surrounding them.

"now. as I was saying. we have risked a lot together as a team. but we are better now. for this tournament, we will be risking something much greater …."

"….."

"…"

"…..we will be risking" said coach after a long dramatic pause ….. "our very lives."

A lightningbolt crashed down dramatically! seirin stared in horror! except for kagami who seemed oblivious or something .

"that's right. it is a life or death tournament. we want to be the best in japan?" said hyuga, raising his eyebrows as his glasses shone with the power of 50 mighty suns. "then let's become the only team in japan. no one can beat us if they're dead."

"hyuga …. you're … dead serious about this. it's a grave decision that i for one am dying to make." said Izuki. crickets began to sound. everyone was silent. "this steak is steaklicious" he added. everyone burst out laughing, slapping their thighs in utter amusement and joy.

"I don't know if we're good enough," said that one guy.

"no wonder you don't have a speaking role. cut that shit out, ain't nobody got time for that negativity." said Hyuga.

"sorry …" said the guy, his brown locks swaying in the wind, his ambiguously coloured eyes shining darkly.

"the power of teamwork!" blurted Kagami, aggressively fist bumping everyone around him.

"aGH" said a math club student, falling over as Kagami's fist rippled through the air into his stomach.

"Kagami control yourself!" said Hyuga, who had been knocked onto the concrete from the force of Kagami's fist bump. "I think you may have broken one of my knuckles but it's okay, let's just continue this discussion."

"Okay." said Kagami. "desu."

"Now Seirin Student A had a point back there," said Hyuga. "we have a long, hard way to go if we want to defeat the competition this year. that is to say, kill them."

"ok then Hyuga."

"As we are now we don't stand a chance" said Teppei, removing his pink slippers. "We need … something. that special something. but what is it?"

"we have a long, hard time ahead of us to figure it out" said Hyuga.

"Where did the captain go?" said Kagami. Hyuga put on his pants.

"Hyuga! You missed the discussion!"

"It's because we're late for class! the schoolyard is empty!" Hyuga shouted. and then he ran for the doors. everyone followed him. Kuroko bounced merrily along inside Kagami's jacket as he ran.

"Special something, huh," said Kagami. he walked down the hall and turned the corner into his classroom.

"Now now class settle down" said the sensei.

"Um no one was talking" said a student.

"I get paid to say that. anyway, I know you're all ready to learn. I see you all have your notes and I am just SO EUPHORIC. you don't even know, m'students. but alas, before I begin the lesson, there's something I must do."

"huh?" Kagami looked up from his notes in slow motion. Kuroko watched the front of the class with those vacant eyes that stared right into the abyss.

"Class," said the sensei, adjusting his hat … "I'd like to introduce to you our new transfer student."

The door slid open. A pair of white basketball shoes echoed across the floor.

"Hello," said the transfer student as he faced his classmates. "I am Shiroko Tetsuya. Pleased to meet you."

FX: AGGRESSIVE ROCK MUSIC ED THEME.


	2. Basketbrawl TRY! The Anemic Heart!

(as of my writing this there are no reviews - this was to be expected. that stunned silence says it all. no autographs please ^_^ this is online after all, reader-chan.)

The whole classroom fell silent, except for Kagami who said "T … Tetsuya? That's the same surname as you, Kuroko!"

"actually, Kuroko is my surname."

"What?" said Kagami.

"Tetsuya is my given name."

"What?" said Kagami.

"so, none of this makes any sense."

"Now, Mr. Shiroko Tetsuya!" The teacher looked around the room. "I will be seating you over there by the window next to Kuroko and Kagami!"

The boy approached. It was only now that Kagami and Kuroko could get a good look at him. His hair was as white as a white bedsheet, styled in a way similar to Kuroko's but it was slightly longer. It reminded Kagami of silken cotton balls drifting through the wind. His eyes were white too, but they were outlined in a darker colour so as not to look like an undead scary thing. He stood at a height that was in between Kagami and Kuroko, though they were both sitting down so they couldn't tell that yet. o.o

"Hello," said Shiroko. Kagami flinched - _he talks like Kuroko_! He thought efficaciously. _That soft monotone …. and yet ….. _Kagami looked into his eyes, drawn to them, enraptured by them, swallowed by them. _…He's different. He's not like Kuroko at all. _Kagami found himself unable to look away.

"What's that look for, Kagami-kun?" Said Shiroko.

"How did you know my name?!" Kagami gasped!

"The class list was on the board" Shiroko explained, staring back at Kagami with a hint of a smile.

"What … but … there are no photos on that list! How do you know who-"

"EXCUSE ME M'STUDENTS!" Shouted sensei, slamming his hands onto his desk and shattering it. Many sweatdrops ensued. The class decided not to speak again until lunch time.

This was it. The time had come. The minute hand flicked, ever turning in the landscape of time and thusly soforth. Once it reached the black lettered 12, Kagami could no longer contain himself.

"This …" He growled, shaking. "IS **JAPANESE LUNCH TIME RUSH!**" He bolted from the classroom and tore down the halls screaming. Kuroko sat in silence.

"You have a funny friend" said Shiroko. His pale eyes locked with Kuroko's blue ones (in case you forgot).

"Kagami-kun does that every day," Kuroko told him. "Even on weekends. I wonder how he's doing now."

Meanwhile, Kagami rode a surfboard through a wave of hungry students, donning a pair of red shutter shades.

"I see," said Shiroko plainly. Kuroko stared at him, soon finding that he was not the only one. Many pairs of eyes were pinned on Shiroko. even through the classroom windows, students were pressed up against the glass.

"You're popular." Kuroko remarked.

"It _is _my first day as a transfer student…." said Shiroko. His gentle smile grew wider. "People get curious. I wouldn't put much thought into it."

"Right …" said Kuroko … watching Shiroko carefully ….

Once the school day was over, Kuroko had decided to put Shiroko from his mind. there were much more important things afoot, such as the xtream level basketbrawl tournament. He vowed to remember the name correctly next time.

"Alright lads it looks like everyone is here except Kuroko. where is he!"

"I'm here" said Kuroko from atop the basketball hoop.

"Oh ok. come down from there tho we have a lot of practicing to do if we're going to be able to crush the bones of our enemies in the upcoming tournament."

The court was wet with the copious amount of sweat produced by the young shounen basketball players. They had to evacuate for ten minutes so that the janitor could stop by with a mop before the basketball court became a swimming pool. When the sun was setting in the sky, the seirin boys were standing around with towels, as one does.

"Well done everyone" said Hyuga.

"Thanks" said Izuki "but where is the coach?"

Hyuga removed his pants to reveal a skirt.

"COACH, where have you been all practice?!" Screamed the whole team. In unison.

"I was watching from the stands" said Hyuuga. "Anyway I have some feedback. First .. Kagami. good shouting. nice footwork today. I like how you have that dual-colour thing going on with your hair too."

"um" said Kagami.

"Next … Kuroko … were you even playing? just joking. nice passes as usual. your misdirection overflow seems to be in tip top shape good fellow."

"thanx" said Kurok.

"Cat guy, eyebrows guy, other guy, other guy and whoever else … good job."

"thanks" said the rest of the team, except for eyebrows guy who just wiggled his eyebrows and made bizarre hand gestures.

"Izuki, nice guarding but I would appreciate if you kept your hands to yourself during matches. And Teppei …" Hyuga squinted at the tall man who was donning a pink cape today. "Why are you even here?"

"What do you mean?" Asked Teppei questioningly.

"The last game was your … last … game …. and the time before that. And the time before that. You're pretty much retired by now because of your leg, so …"

"About that …" said Teppei … "Allow me to show you …." his eyes glistened and the camera zoomed out dramatically. "What I did over the school break!"

Teppei leapt onto the court with unmistakable speed. His shoes dug into the ground as he propelled himself forward! he dribbled the ball and stuff! Zooming in and out of invisible opponents, Teppei leapt 6 feet into the air and SLAM DUNKED. He was on the ground before the ball escaped the net!

"Ah-!" Said Hyuga, taking up a fraction of the screen.

"UH-?!" choked Kagami, taking up another fraction of the screen.

"H-!" breathed eyebrows guy, taking up another fraction of the screen.

"Ahh!" Exclaimed Izuki, taking up the now crowding screen of shocked faces.

"EH?!" said the others.

"!" said Kuroko.

TEPPEI LEAPT INTO THE AIR AGAIN. A strange, mechanical whirring sound was emitting from him. "That's right everyone," he said while floating in the air, his hair rippling in slow motion as his teeth glistened. "I'm Teppei 2.0 now - in other words …" He did a spin, a jump, a kick, LASERS. "I'm … a cyborg."

Stars were in his teammates eyes. "This is it …" said Hyuga. "We can win like this … Teppei …"

"Teppei …" the team cheered. "Teppei…."

Teppei gave a thumbs up and a cool laugh, descending from his seven foot jump as the ball soared through the hoop. "Yeah," he said, sparkling with sweat and magnificence.

"Teppei …" Seirin continued to cheer, tears of joy in their eyes. "Teppei … !"

A horrible crunch could be heard as Teppei landed on the wrong part of his foot. Sparks flew from his robot knee. As Teppei laid flat on the ground, a few nuts and bolts could be seen rolling across the court …

"o crap, I broke the robot knee."


	3. The Eye Catcher RAINBOW

as the stretcher came to take Kiyoshi Teppei away, the team said their goodbyes.

"Promise to visit me in the hospital …" said Teppei.

"Of course!" said the team, clasping his hand.

"don't … forget about me …" his voice grew quieter. "I'll be … waiting .." His hand fell from theirs.

"TEPPEI!" Hyuga cried. his screamed echoed into the universe. The hospital staff shifted their eyes and loaded Teppei into their ambulance. Seirin watched as it moved down the road.

"well, shit son." said Hyuga. "So much for that. like I said. we're going to have to figure something out if we want to be the best, and only team in japan."

"But without Teppei we're hopeless." said Seirin Student A. "How can we possibly go on after losing such a strong player?"

"It's over …" said the cat guy. His three mouth turned upside down in despair.

"I wouldn't speak so soon," said a mysterious voice.

"EH?!" choked the seirin team, one after the other.

White tennis shoes walked into the room in sl ..o w … motion …. accompanied by some orchestral rock music.

"You're really gymposing on our gym." said Izuki. "This is Seirin's practice time."

"Excuse you!" screeched Hyuga. "WHO HAS THE WHISTLE? Anyway …" he looked at the pair of white eyes … and found himself unable to look away from their glassy shine. "Who are you?" said Hyuga.

"My name is Shiroko Tetsuya," said the student calmly.

"Shiroko … _Tetsuya_?!" Izuki exclaimed. "Kuroko, that's your last name!"

"um .. no …" Kuroko shrunk into the background.

"Who gave you permission to be here!?" Hyuga stepped up to him, inches away from his face, their noses just barely touching. _This is to be intimidating_, thought Hyuuga victoriously, _and not homoerotic. _

"I did," said Shiroko. The tension in the air was thicker than extra crunchy peanut butter.

"Oh?" said Hyuga. "I don't see a Seirin uniform on you."

"I'd like to change that …" Shiroko smiled gently but there was an icy glint in his eyes.

"Tch." spat Hyuga. "Tch tch tch tch tch."

"um Hyuga your spitting on the floor."

"shut up. What makes u think we're even accepting new players, _Shiroko_?" Hyuga's glasses began to fog up. I offer no explanation for this.

"your team can use all the help it can get, if that ambulance is any indication." Shiroko took a mild tone, but his words cut deep …

"we don't need some n00b getting in our way." Hyuuga pushed up his glasses. Kagami glared at the transfer student in the background.

"heyo … maybe we should give this guy a chance, coach." said Izuki vivaciously. "I'm sure we'll have a ball watching him demonstrate."

"Izuku plz" said Hyuga. "F-fine … _transfer student_." His eyebrow twitched. "But we're in this to kill. there's no time for games in my new and improved Seirin."

"I understand." said Shiroko. "Please watch."

What happened next was impossible to describe with words. It was an experience. No one on the team could tear their eyes away from Shiroko as he moved through the court like a majestic wisp of whipped cream. his dribbling was an artform. he jumped … and jumped again … INTO AN ACROBATIC BACKFLIP. the ball was still in his hands when he landed and did three cartwheels and a summersault. the background slowly began to fade into a sea of glimmering sparkles.

"It's strange … he hasn't even made a basket yet but I can't take my eyes off of him." said Hyuga.

"Ya" agreed Kagamam. "It's almost like …"

"Kuroko's misdirection." Shiroko finished, letting the ball drop behind him as he approached the seirin team B-) "I am neither a light nor a shadow" he told them with a dramatic gesture of some sort. "I am the rainbow that escapes the glass prism … drawing all eyes to me ….. "

"thats deep" said the cat guy. "mew."

"you are fantastic on the court" admitted Hyuga, "but can you shoot."

"Hah," Shiroko let out a soft laugh. "_Do coyotes have gills_?" he smirked.

"Um …" Hyuga squinted. " … No?"

"No." Shiroko confirmed.

"So you .. can't … shoot."

"No."

"Oh."

The team stood uncomfortably until someone said something. which was never. they all went home for the day.

"I don't like that guy," said Kagam as he walked home with Kurok.

"He gives me the creeps. Just comes out of no where and sashays around the court … not that it was't impressive tho … but we haven't even seen him play a proper game!"

"I see" said Kuroko.

"And we don't need any other names like Tetsuya. Like … my shadow is Kuroko Tetsuya … My childhood friend is Himuro Tatsuya …. like, what the crap guys."

"That's true" agreed Kuroko agreeably.

"now Shiroko Tetsuya is on my team? I swear … the captain hasn't been acting like herself lately. no way she'd let that guy in right off the bat."

"or off the hoop, so to speak" said Izuki.

"wow Izuki, stalker much? this is a private conversation" said Kagami.

"I need a vanilla shake" said Kuroko.

"let's go then" Kagami put his hand on Kuroko's head and the two of them walked into the sunset. somewhere, a glassy pair of eyes watched them. . . .. . . o.o.o.o.o

"Junpei … " Tears streamed down Riko's dirt-stained face. "Please …. Junpei, let me go." She stared up at the blackened silhouette of Hyuga Junpei. Her wrists struggled at the ropes that bound her hands together.

"It's over, Riko," said Junpei. "We don't need you anymore."

"Junpei …" Riko pressed back against the cellar wall, "why-!" Her breath hitched as Hyuga pulled out the gun. Slowly, he pointed it her way.

"No," she whispered. "Junpei, you wouldn't … you _can't_."

"Oh, Riko," Junpei smiled, his glasses shining in the dark. "You forget one thing." He cocked the gun. "My shots never miss."


	4. MURDER ON BASKETBALL EXPRESS

Hyuuga Junpei put on his brown wig as he approached the gymnasium. today he wore a skirt … and a blue women's cardigan that was speckled with hints of crimson red.

"hey coach" said Kagami as he put on a pair of cool sunglasses. "I like your new shirt."

"yea cool designs coach!" said cat guy. he purred ferociously.

"isn't it a little tight on you?" said Seirin Student B.

"man .. she's even flatter than I thought" said #2. then he was put in his kennel.

"no time for compliments boys" said Hyuga. "we have a tournament to practice for."

the team ran around on the court and stuff. hyuga threw the ball to the other end of the court. "pass to Kagami!" he shouted. Shiroko did a roundhouse kick into the ball which flew into Kagami's hands at literally the speed of sound. there was also a rainbow aura around the ball.

"nice pass" said Kagami as he rocketed up into the air like a rocket and slam dunked the ball like a dunkin' donut.

"well well well" said Hyuga. "not bad."

"thanks coach" said the team.

"you know" said hyuga as he adjusted his wig. "when junpei wasn't doing well i destroyed his samurai figurines for each shot he didn't make. i did it right in front of his face too." his glasses shone radiantly. "i broke them into tiny pieces. even the one his late grandfather had built for him out of birch wood. ^_^ it was his only remaining memory of him if I recall correctly."

"ok …" the team listened with confusion.

"i think my methods were successful." said Hyuga. "for each shot he missed, i broke a figurine. makes sense right?"

"i guess so" said Kagami as he furrowed his weird messed up eyebrows.

"so I thought, _hey_. why not re-introduce my methods to the team. for each shot you miss, my dear team, i'm going to break …. a bone."

"ummm"

"that's right. one of your bones. i'll let you choose which one the first couple of times since i'm … such a generous coach." his glasses twinkled.

"don't be trippin' coach" said #2.

"yeah!" said Kagami. "we need those to win the tournament! desu."

"well then" said Hyuga "you'd better not miss any shots then, hadn't u."

meanwhile … at another japanese basketball school …

"the stream basketbrawl tournament, huh …" said a voice darkly.

"that isn't what i said. that isn't the right name."

"sounds interesting" chuckled the voice … darkly again.

"i thought it would get you excited again ^_^" the camera zoomed in to reveal …. the glasses captain guy! not that glasses captain guy, but the other one. the one that isn't Hyuga. the one you dream of at night when you close your eyes. you only close your eyes to get closer to him … because his eyes are always closed …. ~

"well, it's not traditional basketball" smirked Aomine smirkingly. "but … since when did i ever play by the rules anyway?" a dark background enraptured the Aomine.

"pretty much all the time actually. ^_^ but that isn't the point. it looks like we could win this tournament, aoMINE."

"what did you call me?"

"*nervous coughing* aomine." said Imayoshi. "I hear the Seirin team is participating too."

"ohhh?" Aomine's interest was piqued. and that wasn't the only thing.

"ya it's tru." Imayoshi raised his glass. "slave, get me another apple martini!"

"y-yes sir" cried the apologetic mushroom. he scampered away in his maid outfit. "gomen nasai~~~!"

"anyway," said Imayoshi. "you think ur up for this? its a dangerous game."

"heh" smirked aomine. "danger is my middle name."

"ok now you're just trying too hard."

"o.o"

the months slowly passed by. the date of the tournament was vast approaching. the date of Kagami and Kuroko had long passed and they were due for another one. Seirin had been practicing their basketball alongside their newest most mysterious and handsome member, Shiroko Tetsuya. after all this time no one knew where he had come from or what he was thinking but they couldn't pass up that ass(et to their team).

their learned techniques had gone beyond basketball passes and flips and sweaty men in the shower. under the taller and more manly coach Riko's lead … the team had learned a variety of other skills that would be needed for the Xtreem tournament of life and death. cleverly hidden in their snazzy black uniforms were weapons of all kinds. kagami got in trouble for being too obvious due to the large bulge in his pants, but it turned out his weapon was actually strapped to his back and hyuga apologized and prompty ran out of the room in shame.

"well boys" said Hyuga. "this is it. tomorrow is the big day and i hope u all have your eyes on the prize. everyone stop staring at Kagami. i mean first place. now." he marched along the court and looked really stupid tbh. "i want to hear what all your hopes and dreams are for this tournament! all of you! prove to me your worthiness!"

"I want to be the best in japan" said Kagami. the team cheered.

"I also want to be the best in japan." said Kuroko. the team cheered after they noticed he had said something.

"i want to win the tournament and feast on victory ramen atop the corpses we've left in our wake" said cat guy.

"*eyebrow wiggle* *strange grabbing motion with both hands*" said eyebrows guy.

"this steak is steaklicious" said Izuki. everyone rolled on the floor with laughter.

"I want to win the tournament and be celebrity cool people things with many money paper squares!" said Seirin Member B.

"I want to bake a cake made out of rainbows and smiles, and we'd all eat it and be happy..." said Midorima.

"… he doesn't even go here" said Kuroko.

"do you even go to this school?" Hyuga stared at him.

"no." said midorima as he pushed up his glasses. "I just have a lot of feelings, nanodayo." a single tear rolled down his face as he exited the gym.


End file.
